Not Alone

We had a wonderful Writers’ Day organised by the Association of Christian Writers today, all online. I ended up writing a poem with the main words I had chosen linking them all together.

Not alone
Not ever, really.
Friends on hand, coffee and cake
Bridging the gap, filling me
Filling my heart too
But parts stay empty.
Empty and dark, cramping, muttering…

Little sweaty hands,
Small wriggling toes, never still
Filling up more corners than I knew existed.
Still parts stay dark,
Like old closets, keys missing.
Some days chattering voices
Only fill my ears, but not my heart.
Not really alone, but feeling that way.

Friends that smile, nodding along
Asking and affirming.
Still inner rooms are in the shadows.
After all, they’re simply doing a friend’s duty.
Words tumble to brighten up voids.
They laugh, amused and suddenly honest
But most corners stay locked.
More levels need to be passed,
Keys won or found.
Game Over sometimes no longer dreaded.

Other times it’s the greatest fear
Blocking more corridors
Dimming otherwise bright beams
Plunging my heart into darkness
With only one Voice
One Presence felt
One glowing corner, foundation stone in place.

Will it be all I need?
Will it reach each nook and cranny?
My darkness, what if light never comes?
Should I pretend, laugh, eat cake?
Or is there someone to share
Who won’t judge, frown, sigh…

The risk is too great,
The loss too irreparable.
It’s my heart, after all
And surely, I have enough
To stuff each corner twice over?
Nothing in me should be dim
No part shrouded
I’m not alone, ever, really
Not alone.

4 thoughts on “Not Alone”

  1. Fran Hill says:

    I’ve read this a few times now and it has some real power. I don’t know what activity Tanya set you as I wasn’t able to be there today but it obviously worked for you! Haunting.

    1. maressa says:

      Wow! Thank you so much!

  2. Ruth Leigh says:

    Blimey that’s a powerful piece of work!!!!

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